Molten Vole

Cast Your Cares Away

The old man flies
Through perilous skies
And after you cry yourself to sleep
He'll intrude and consume your supplies

Tonight
A drop of brandy
To make the world alright

You've got so many troubles
Don't worry about that
Put antlers on your cat
(Put some antlers on your cat)
Cast your cares away
It's Christmas day
Maybe you'll have more cause for festive cheer
Next year

There's a snowman in
The blizzard
He's got a carrot
Pushed into his face
Forcefully
He knows of sorrow

So rest your head, escape and be blissful
Some day you'll be someone's angel
At the top of the tree
And you'll never be lonely

You've got so many troubles
But now is not the time to worry yourself about that
Put some antlers on your cat
Cast your cares away
It's Christmas day
Maybe you'll have more cause for festive cheer
Next year

Ten lords still a leaping and they're running out of time
Bouncing 'til the day they die

You've got so many troubles
Don't worry about that
Put antlers on your cat
(Put some antlers on your cat)
Cast your cares away
It's Christmas day
Maybe you'll have more cause for festive cheer
Next year

I'm the Snowman

I sit outside alone
I have no place to call home
I'm watching in
As you eat roast potatoes

I'm the snowman
Made on Christmas day
I'm the snowman
Won't you come and play
In the snow with me?

I blow on my kazoo
I tip my top hat askew
I break your skin
To retrieve potatoes

Wow
I'm the snowman
Won't you come and play
In the snow with me?

I have this grin
You excitedly stabbed into my chin

I'm the snowman
I'm not here to stay
And I'm the snowman
Watch me melt away
Oh no

Hope and Christmas Cheer

It's that time of year
Everyone has hope and Christmas cheer
Well they all can go to hell
And we'll just say that they fell

Now it's just you and me
We should see what's on TV
There's only bloodshed
Cause everybody's dead

No. 1, Ginger Lane

Putting us in here was heartless
Left to fend in total darkness
There is
No reprieve
Can't use candles
No door handles
To leave

Kissing my wife on her gingerbread lips
But I'd rather flesh
We can fetch canes but they go to my hips
This life is a mess

Gingerbread head
Gingerbread legs
I have a pet rat that's made of gingerbread dregs

The roof's sickly frosting drips in
Someone has slipped in the kitchen
Happy
Holidays
Walls have holes in
Let's the cold in
Always

Kissing my wife on her gingerbread lips
But I'd rather flesh
We can fetch canes but they go to my hips
This life is a total mess then

A garguntuan fist plunges
Through the many sponges
Crumbs and thumbs plummet around me
Panic and manic unrest
Mankind succumb to their greed as they
Pull my eyes out and chew on my chest

Roquefort

Birds are calling
Snowflakes falling
A peaceful Christmas eve
Although the roads are sludgy
Travel here abruptly

Take care
As you make your way tonight
I'll warm the fire
And try not to burn my hands and feet

We'll cocoon under duvets and
We'll watch a film and slowly graze
The cheeseboard
Eat Roquefort

Since the sky's lit
Your path's guided
I await you at my door
Although the streets are slushy
I hope you're rushing

Be safe
As you make your way tonight
I'll wrap your presents
And hopefully not tape them to my legs

We'll cocoon under duvets and
We'll watch a film and slowly graze
The cheeseboard
Eat Roquefort

We'll cocoon under duvets and
We'll play board games and slowly graze
The cheeseboard
Eat Roquefort

Raven Puke

Strap the pumps to a plump cow's teats
Congratulations you now have cheese
That will improve your
Mood when you feel blue

Making lots and lots of friends
Who'll all meet their bitter ends
Every decision
Is insignificant

Take your time to smell the flowers
As they are burning
Princes hoard riches
Ever yearning

What a haven
I just can't get too much
Of the ravens
Throwing up

When you are older what will you be
I would like to manufacture cheese
Carve on my grave stone
Not one of our own

Can't Stay in Bed (When We're Dead)

Brown and good and made of wood and strong and underrated
Beds will keep you elevated

Every day you'll find me
Sleeping
Where the willows were once
Weeping
Did you fall on to a
Cactus
Not a problem on your
Mattress

What's even nicer than
Nuclear warfare
Logging off
Shutting down
For repair

I was dreaming that I know you

We can't
Stay in bed when we are dead so I say
Let's stay here all day
There's no time in life to rest your head so
I'll go outside when I'm dead

When I'm dead
When I'm dead

Made of meat with a heartbeat but static like a fossil
I like to be horizontal

Waking in the freezing
Morning
Kills me and I can't stop
Leg trapped in a drain pipe
For weeks
Wouldn't have happened in
Your sheets

Whilst I appreciate
Torrential hail storms
I'll hang back
In the sack where it's warm

I was dreaming that I know you

We can't
Stay in bed when we are dead so I say
Let's stay here all day
There's no time in life to rest your head so
I'll go outside when I'm dead

We can't
Stay in bed when we are dead so I say
Let's stay here all day
There's no time in life to rest your head so
I'll go outside when

They drag my
Limp carcass
To the grave
I'd prefer
To rot here
In my duvet cave

The Shrunken Manatee

Embellished with smouldering toast debris
The floor crunches as I tread
There's a man with a very large hat
It entombs his whole head

Cheers to me
Another beer please
We'll drink and barely cease
We'll drink until supplies freeze

Drink Up
With me
One more cup
At The Shrunken Manatee

The lion tears through the flesh of people
Like they don’t have eye balls
There’s too many punters in the mouth of the lion
Watching on as they are gorged

Cheers to me
Another beer please
You’ve got to chug it down
Throw it back now

Drink Up
With me
One more cup
At The Shrunken Manatee

If you’re free tonight
Won’t you join me

It’s so quiet in here
It’s just me and the man with the hat now
And I can’t see his head
But I’m pretty sure he’s dead
Dead.

Festered Vegetation

I take it home for my lovely wife
I take it home for my lovely wife
I take it home for my lovely wife
I take it home for my lovely wife

Give my Flesh Back!

This chaos never ends
A plague of zombies that will terrorize your friend's friends
The frightful sight of plight might
Slightly smite your night

Look at the faces
That you've nibbled from their heads
Scattered corpses tattered in shreds

I know that you'll feel better
If you have a cup of tea
Why don't you see what's on TV

Hey zombie
Dont eat me
Im due to be home shortly
My cat he
gets hungry
I feed him regularly

Look at these places
Frequented by families
Now littered with infected bodies

All of this scampering around
Your bare feet upon the ground
Have you considered some shoes
There's a vast variety you can choose

Hey zombie
Dont eat me
Im due to be home shortly
My cat he
gets hungry
I feed him regularly

Do you not fancy
Something savoury
What if
We share a bag of crisps

Hey zombie
Dont eat me
Im due to be home shortly
My cat he
gets hungry
I feed him regularly

Heaviest Hoof

This morning
My car broke down heading to town - I kicked it
I made use of the new hybrid diesel bus instead

When I stepped on
No seats were vacant
And I fell over
On seven caucasians

And I
Bit my lip on the way down
And I
Tore my gown

At my lowest
I keep plodding on
I put my heaviest
Hoof forward and I'm gone

At lunch time
I favoured a savoury flavour to stave my cravings
I invested a lot of money into a bun

Longingly I
Lifted the bread roll
Then accidentally
I swallowed it whole

The roll
Scratched deep down inside me
The roll
Was gluten free

At my lowest
I keep plodding on
I put my heaviest
Hoof forward and I'm gone

My coffee spills endlessly
It's a pain
To scrub and clean

I put my heaviest
Hoof forward and I'm

At my lowest
I keep plodding on
I put my heaviest
Hoof forward and I'm gone

Snail of Destruction

Welcome to my garden
I've got lots of snails
They all meander around
Leaving slimy trails

Where are my plants
I left my trust in you

Now I see what you have done
Why dont you pack
Up your shells and
Leave this place alone

Sad Cronk's Bongo Street Fights

Have you travelled on a camel
Trampling the drab gravel
Have you fought in street fights
Underneath the city lights

Sad Cronk bangs the bongos
Sad Cronk rumbles drums
Rushing on percussion
Numbing
His scummy thumbs

Battling foes with bongos
Bouncing sound around surrounding alcoves
Startling how his fame grows
Most local folk know to close their windows

Have you ever fashioned a hat
From the ears of a fruit bat
Have you ever championed fights
In sequined tights

Sad Cronk bonks the congas
Sad Cronk thins pig skins
Gyrating syncopation
Flutters
Like puffin wings

Battling foes with bongos
Bouncing sound around surrounding alcoves
Startling how his fame grows
Most local folk know to close their windows

These windows
They're closed
They're closed
They're closed
They're just closed

Battling foes with bongos
Salty teardrops trickling down his nose
Startling how his fame grows
Devoted droves oppose the blows rivals throw

Grey Swollen Ankle

I like to swim if there's water ahead
It moves the pressure to my arms from my legs
My ankle mimics all the shades of the moon
It's swollen like a water balloon so

Whisk me away
Whimsically
On Wednesday

Don't look back at the lopsided tracks
That my grey swollen ankle
Blazoned
We'll find sands that absorb the impact
Whilst my grey swollen ankle
Vacations

The other day I was combing my hair
Outside a church when all the holymen stared
A moth had nibbled off the hem of my jeans
And my ankle had been unquarantined so

Take me away
I'm less tumid
On Tuesdays

Don't look back at the lopsided tracks
That my grey swollen ankle
Blazoned
We'll find sands that absorb the impact
Whilst my grey swollen ankle
Vacations

Adorn it with mayonnaise
To shield the rays

Don't look back
At the tracks
We'll find sands
That absorb the impact

Shankbot 5000

You know you've got to stop killing all the children
And then I know that you will be my friend
It's gonna be alright
Lower your machete
Chill out and have some tea
My friend

Crab Wound Doom

I maneuvered to the pier
So the gulls could wave to me
Suddenly a strong wind blustered
Plunging me into the sea

I struck my head on a crab
As I slowly sank

My head's bleeding
And I have lost my socks
On this island of rocks

Around each deserted corner
Another rock stands and waits
Patentially staring as I try
To observe their traits

This one looks friendlier
It is smooth and smiling

My head's bleeding
And I have lost my socks
On this island of rocks

I can't find my socks
On this island of rocks

I just can't find my rocks
Have you seen my rocks
On this island of socks

Dimly Lit Casket

And that's right I want you
I want you so badly I put my hat on
As it rises on the horizon
You still can't see how
It's contents wait to be found

That's why I'll hide beneath the ground
And you will never know
No I'll never show
My mind

As I survey my casket
I admit it's time to quit
There's no hope alive
Even my headwear can not thrive

That's why I'll hide beneath the ground
And you will never know
No I'll never show
My mind

Dropped in the pit
It's dimly lit
His pork belly struggles to fit

That's why I will hide beneath the ground
And you will never know
No I'll never show
My mind

Wood Rot

Tiredly I sat
Hands in my lap
Suddenly planks splintered beneath
Crashing down I found myself on the ground

When you see me fall from grace
Remember
Wear my hats
And feed my cats
Then bury me with embers

Wood rot
When you make seats out of trees

Master of Ghosts

Did you notice that you can't eat bread (or pasta)
That's because you're simply
Dead, you died
You're no longer alive
Rise from eternal rest for me

I know
Wherever you go
Post mortem
You'll be alone
Stick around a while and I'll find adhesives
Stronger than
Deadly diseases

It's apparent you don't have a head (to stand on)
Stripped of all life you're quite
Dead, deceased
You now cease to exist
Convene in realms of mortal strife

I know
When it's time to go
To the next show
You'll be alone
Stick around a while and I'll find adhesives
Rejoining
The broken pieces

I know
Wherever you go
Post mortem
You'll be alone
Stick around a while and I'll find adhesives
Stronger than
Deadly diseases

Sleepwalk

Sleepwalk with me
Can you see what I see
I keep my red giraffe afloat in the Caspian Sea
When he eats porridge it clings to his facial hair
Pendulating in the warm air

Climb on my back I’ll swim out so you can improve your view of his beard
Discover first hand why it’s so revered

Block out the light
And we'll sleepwalk tonight
Is it real or counterfeit
Truth or a skit

Here lies
My abundance of gold
It's quite
Splendorous to behold
I've been told
There's more than necessary
I'd bestow it instantly
But they disagree
And they won't let me
Give generously

Don't get too close the goblins protect my wealth and kill all who succumb
They'll snatch your skin to craft more bongo drums

Block out the light
And we'll sleepwalk tonight
Is it real or counterfeit
Truth or a skit

Your safety's not guaranteed

As the stars shine bright
Venture to the arcane
Tonight
We'll refrain from the mundane

Dr Crippen

Suspended by your throat
There is no antidote
For what they have
Done to you
Just relax and enjoy the view

Deep in the basement
Decomposing beneath brickwork
Your wife is bathing
In hyoscine

Dr Crippen won't you come aboard with me
We will set sail and traverse the sea
And we shall
Never return after we leave
Just you
Me And
Le Neve

Penalised for your crimes
Say b-bye it's time to die
So take a good look around you now
You're going down
But you won't hit the ground

Deep in the basement
Bubbling like a bathbomb in hot water
Your wife is bathing
In hyoscine

In hyoscine, in hysocine
She will dissolve
All is now resolved
She makes her
Way swiftly
To the afterlife
But you will never cleanse your mind of your severed wife

Dr Crippen won't you come aboard with me
We will set sail and traverse the sea
And we shall
Never return after we leave
Just you
Me And
Le Neve

Taste the Rat Corpse

Their prisons will no longer confine us
Our freedom I can forsee
Cooperating we shall be victorious
Ally with me
Take my hand and we'll soon be

Crawling through the sewers
On our hands and knees
We will taste the rat corpse defiled by disease
Our muscles will tire
As we traverse through
The vile waste and a stench one cannot construe

I've done time sufficient for my crimes
All I did was kill Edward
We'll escape and forget all about old times
With brand new lives
And we'll find some new wives

Crawling through the sewers
On our hands and knees
We will taste the rat corpse defiled by disease
Our muscles will tire
As we traverse through
The vile waste and a stench one cannot construe

Tonight we'll finally flee
Away to safety
It's time to make our way down

Crawling through the sewers
On our hands and knees
We will taste the rat corpse defiled by disease
Our muscles will tire
As we traverse through
The vile waste and a stench one cannot construe

Victims and Vegetables

Cauliflower
Roger
Stuart
Lettuce
Leeks
Cabbage

And all of the other vegetables in the rainbow
And Tom
And Rupert
And Rupert
And Rupert
And Rupert

These are my victims and vegetables
I kill them and I eat them
These are my victims and vegetables
I kill them and
I
Eat
Them

Am I Drinking Red Wine?

Raise your glass
Furiously aloft in
to the void over your head
Here's a toast to
All the people
Consuming red

I cannot tell
Exactly which way I'm facing
But I can feel my
Humility fading

Step right up
It's to time to test your strength against
Crates and crates and crates kids
Don't be shy
Try some wine
On the count of three
Unburden your vessels with me

I cannot tell
Exactly which way I'm facing
But I can feel my
Humility fading

If you look at me you will find that I
Have two hands on my face

Am I drinking red wine or is this blood
I'm not too sure
But if I was to decide
I would conclude that it is grapey

John the Undertaker

And in the end I knew you couldn't
Have what it takes to
Cherish and care for my love baby
What did you do

You took it for a walk to the cemetery door
Then you met a man named John and you struck a chord
A chord

I can't believe you
Entrusted yours to John The undertaker

And he dropped mine in to the dirt
He had a grasp but lost it
Dropped into the dirt
My heart now rests alone in soil

You said you like his hat and moustache
And that he's ten feet tall
I auctioned off my soul to you girl
I was a fool

He gave you a coffin and you gave him your heart
A sweet exchange but mine got torn apart

How could you disregard
The fragile tissues that bind
You've torn the muscles apart
They'll unwind
You're unkind

And he flung up his shovel up
He launched my heart into the night's sky
Flung his shovel up
My heart now drifts unclaimed in space

Chicken Guts in the Hairdryer

Chicken guts in the hairdryer
I can't believe that there's
Chicken guts in the hairdryer
Now they're in my hair

I switched it on
Then I was bathed
In dripping entrails
I'm not sure how
there could be all these innards of so many chickens
in this appliance that I traditionally use
to make my hair less wet after I've washed it
yet there's

Chicken guts in the hairdryer
I can't believe that there's
Chicken guts in the hairdryer
Now they're in my hair

Copper Lips

It will end in scorching fire
A spectacle to admire
Good times
Mankind will behold fury
And our mortal forms will cease to be

I'm a ghost
You're a ghost
We're ghosts now
We no longer appear to have eyebrows
And my trousers have fallen down
Yeah!
Destroy the world for me
I'll clap energetically

Regardless
Of the absence of impact
My hands
Will not make contact

Earthquakes will rip through the planet
Tearing holes in flesh and granite
The rich populace
Ask yourselves this
As you leave the earth
What's your wealth worth?

I'm a ghost
You're a ghost
We're ghosts now
We no longer appear to have eyebrows
And my trousers have fallen down
Yeah!
Destroy the world for me
I'll smile appreciatively

What has taken so long
You got it so wrong
And you had no plan for me
That's clear enough to see

Everyone's Insane

You're born you live then you die
And the world will pass you by
Plant four trees
Or your children could
Fall over backwards
I don't feel comfortable being here

Everyone is insane
I'm an alien with an alien brain
Everyone is deranged
I can't help but feel ever so estranged

I want to grow
A beard thats too long to
Maintain
And I'll brush it gently

You
Can caress it
As much as you please
And store all your keys
Inside of it

Goose
Floating in the river
Goose
What makes you smile so much
I don't feel comfortable being here

Everyone is insane
I'm an alien with an alien brain
Everyone is deranged
I can't help but feel ever so estranged

Little Man in a Freezer

I am a little man
I live inside of a freezer
Nestled in cardboard

It's cold in here
I wish there was another life
On a sunny beach
But I live beside these peas

Overkill

Drop your weapon
I saw you concealing it beneath
Your dirty broken teeth
And you can't
Outsmart me

I apprehended you with such ease
Like a tissue catches a sneeze
And all you wanted was a big fat piece of cheese
Well get on your knees
Get on your knees
Get on your knees
And show me your wrists please

I am the law enforcement here
My hat is taller than yours
I catch the crooks and suppress fear
I enforce laws

Sleeping is not an option for me

Bad boys, bad boys
What you gonna do
What you gonna do
When I come for you
For you

Seizing this geezer was a breeze
Like a kitten catches fleas
And we will see if the judge agrees
That he's a greasy sleaze and he
Will throw away the keys

I am the law enforcement here
My hat is taller than yours
I catch the crooks and suppress fear
I enforce laws

Treacle will only slow my feet down

Gaze
At my ways
And you will truly know the way
To Behave

Goat Breath

Can't you see
There's that goatly apparition
Still haunting our journey

It's exhalations
Cause offense
I think you should move to a safer distance

I cannot save you
For you have inhaled your toxic fate
Now it's too late

There is no hope left
I can merely look on as your lungs
Disintegrate

Racing on
I flee to escape the same fate
You are now on the horizon

I will return
With a big knife
I don't expect to find you alive

I cannot save you
For you have inhaled your toxic fate
Now it's too late

There is no hope left
I can merely look on as your lungs
Disintegrate

I Ain't Your Pastry

Shortcrust or puff
Insufficiently describe me
That's because
I ain't your pastry

I ain't your pastry baby
(Don't beat me like that)
I ain't your pastry
(Don't roll me out flat and bake me)

I am more than
Just flour and water
Do not forget I'm
My mother's daughter
My exterior
Is not as flakey
As a sausage roll
From the bakery
I have slightly less
Gravy inside me
Than you would find in
A Cornish pasty

Now do you see
That I ain't pastry

I ain't your pastry baby
(Don't beat me like that)
I ain't your pastry
(Don't roll me out flat and bake me)

Worm Chunks

I found a worm in chunks
Scattered around the tree trunks
Be strong

I still have have hope
I think this fella's gonna cope
He will be fine
He just needs persuasion and time

You wouldn't have been badly hurt
If you'd remained below the dirt
Now let me help you
I'll go and fetch some glue

Carefully piecing pieces piece by piece
I will reconstruct you with flair and expertise

Where is the rest of you
Let's not threat for the
Limbs you lack
Your arms will grow
Back

I'm not quite sure what I should do
Are you listening
I'll try some needlework to stop
Your wounds from glistening

I will take care of you
Until your chunks turn blue

Gravy Ablaze

A normal day
Nothing's going your way
The cat is stuck
Rubbing butter on it has no luck

There's smoke coming from the kitchen
I cannot see
There's smoke circling around me
I cannot breathe

Until this day your life was happy but
You burnt the gravy
It haunts your mind and you'll never escape the fact
You burnt the gravy

You burnt the gravy

Your bad luck -
It sucks

A standard night
Nothing's going quite right
Your front door collapsed
Onto the lawn and the vicar's trapped

There's smoke coming from the kitchen
I cannot see
No don't butter up the vicar
He'll soon break free

Until this day your life was happy but
You burnt the gravy
It haunts your mind and you'll never escape the fact
You burnt the gravy

Blackened your pan awaits
An untimely disposal

It haunts your mind and you'll never escape the fact
You burnt the gravy

You burnt the gravy